Education Laughs

First up, Jon Stewart on the Daily Show.  The show had taken a week break and left the news of the day at Charlie Sheen and teachers in Wisconsin.  As Jon pointed out, Japan was rocked by an earthquake AND tsunami and a coalition of the willing are trying to knock some sense into Khaddafi.   He played clips of various politicians saying the U.S. is basically broke.  Then he said:

"How is it possible to fire Tomahawk missiles AND fire teachers?"  Good question.

Then, from Washington Post's The Answer Sheet by Valerie Strauss, comes news of the next edition of tv's "Survivor."  Here's how it starts:

New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg, New York City Schools Chancellor Cathie Black, Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker, Florida Gov. Rick Scott and Bill Gates will be dropped in an elementary school classroom for one school year.

Each will be provided with a copy of his/her school district’s curriculum and a class of 20 to 25 students.
Each class will have a minimum of five learning-disabled children — three with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, one labeled gifted and two who speak limited English. Three other students will be labeled with severe behavior problems.

Each of them must complete lesson plans at least three days in advance with annotations for curriculum objectives and then modify, organize or create their materials accordingly. They will be required to teach students, handle misconduct, implement technology, document attendance, write referrals,correct homework, make bulletin boards, compute grades, complete report cards, document benchmarks, communicate with parents and arrange parent conferences.

They must also stand in their doorway between class changes to monitor the hallways. In addition, they will complete fire drills, tornado drills and [Code Red] drills for shooting attacks each month. They must attend workshops, faculty meetings and curriculum development meetings.

They must also tutor students who are behind, and they must strive to get their two non-English speaking children proficient enough to take standardized tests. If they are sick or having a bad day, they must not let it show.

Each day they must incorporate reading, writing, math, science and social studies into the program. They must maintain discipline and provide an educationally stimulating environment to motivate students at all times.

If all students do not wish to cooperate, work, or learn, the teacher will be held responsible.

These people will only have access to the public golf course on the weekends, but with their new salary, they will not be able to afford it. There will be no access to vendors who want to take them out to lunch, and lunch will be limited to 30 minutes, which is not counted as part of their work day.

They will be permitted to use a student restroom, as long as another survival candidate can supervise their class.

If the copier is operable, they may make copies of necessary materials before, or after, school.

However, they cannot surpass their monthly limit of copies. They must also continually advance their education, at their expense and on their own time.

The winner of this season of “Survivor” will be allowed to return to their job.
Pass this to your friends who think teaching is easy, and to the ones who know it is hard.


Anonymous said…
The voting on and off will be based on a non-disclosed formula driven growth index (the finance industry called them derivatives, too complicated for the average consumer to understand, or members of congress...) included in which is a measurement of how much faith and belief the contestants have in their students' abilities to learn. Look for’s of "genuine warmth and caring" will be smiles, positive mental attitude displays such as t-shirts w/slogans and animal pictures like the kitten "Hang in there!" poster.
If a contestant is voted off, the join the sub pool and have to sub in high school.
If a contestant wins, they get a lapel pin and a key to the staff restroom for a week.
-I would watch that show.
Secret Millionaire become a teacher for a year...
Anonymous said…
I would buy a t.v. just to watch that season of survivor.
Though I'd add in more financial limits. It's hard paying rent while trying to personally fund an under stocked classroom.

was a teacher
seattle citizen said…
There will also, I hear, be a Greek chorus in the background telling them, as they teach, that they are "not quality" and "money-grubbing pension seekers" and "not caring about the children, but only themselves."

Their administrator will test students in the building three times a year, and tell each contestant that they suck, that they are being evaluated on these scores, and they better teach to them.

In the shadows stage right will stand members of foundations, leagues, alliances, and coalitions, holding hands with their corporate sponsors, gleefully awaiting the "data" so as to "restucture" the whole game to their more profitable framework.

Stage left stand the "Teachers" for America, which are neither teachers nor for America but rather for their own careers. They will be waiting for the hook that randomly pulls contestants off stage so that they can come in and "do it for the kids," unlike those mean ol' contestants.

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