Do You Have a Quiet Kid?
A thoughtful article in Crosscut about children who are introverts and the "Quiet Revolution."
Recently, my fourteen-year-old daughter Melanie came home dejected from a volunteer activity. “I was criticized for not sharing enough of my ideas,” she told me. “The problem is that I like to listen. By the time I’m ready to share, everybody else is busy talking and I can’t get a word in edgewise.”
To reassure Melanie, we watched a TED Talk given by Susan Cain, author of the 2012 best-selling book "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking." This record-breaking speech has been viewed over four million times. Bill Gates says it’s one of his favorites.
What does this look like at school?
A key distinction between the two is how they respond to stimulation: Introverts prefer quieter, less stimulating environments, preferring to concentrate in solitude, spend more time problem-solving and think before they speak. In contrast, extroverts draw their energy from more stimulating environments and from other people. They are often assertive, quicker to act and can be multi-taskers.
In the middle of the introvert-extrovert spectrum are “ambiverts,” whom Cain says may enjoy the best of both worlds. Shyness differs from introversion, explains Cain, and stems from a fear of social judgment.
“It’s not that I’m so smart,“ Einstein famously remarked, ”It’s just that I stay with problems longer.”
Recently, my fourteen-year-old daughter Melanie came home dejected from a volunteer activity. “I was criticized for not sharing enough of my ideas,” she told me. “The problem is that I like to listen. By the time I’m ready to share, everybody else is busy talking and I can’t get a word in edgewise.”
To reassure Melanie, we watched a TED Talk given by Susan Cain, author of the 2012 best-selling book "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking." This record-breaking speech has been viewed over four million times. Bill Gates says it’s one of his favorites.
What does this look like at school?
A key distinction between the two is how they respond to stimulation: Introverts prefer quieter, less stimulating environments, preferring to concentrate in solitude, spend more time problem-solving and think before they speak. In contrast, extroverts draw their energy from more stimulating environments and from other people. They are often assertive, quicker to act and can be multi-taskers.
In the middle of the introvert-extrovert spectrum are “ambiverts,” whom Cain says may enjoy the best of both worlds. Shyness differs from introversion, explains Cain, and stems from a fear of social judgment.
“It’s not that I’m so smart,“ Einstein famously remarked, ”It’s just that I stay with problems longer.”
Comments
She has some very interesting things to say, and some research to back it up, about how group decision making can be biased toward going with what the kewl kids want, not necessarily what is most effective. You get better results if you have a group process where everyone gets to spend time alone thinking about something, and then comes together in a process where everyone is expected to share his or her ideas. Too often the process is otherwise dominated by the people with the most social capital, who are not necessarily the people with the best ideas, ideas which more often than not come from the quiet, thoughtful people, but who don't banter well, don't know how to get a word in edgewise, or are reluctant to speak up, and so don't get heard.
Cain pushes back against the overuse of groups in the classroom precisely because it suits the learning styles of extroverts more than it does introverts. My own view is that introverts need to learn to be more extroverted and extroverts need to learn to be more introverted.
I teach mostly extroverted business-school students at the UW, and they are naturally good public speakers, but they often don't have anything interesting to say because they haven't thought enough about it--alone, in a quiet place, where they might, if they go there, discover that they think something other than the received conventional wisdom.
And introverts need to assert themselves in groups moe than they are comfortable to do. Like it or not they will be going into a workplace that is dominated by teams and groups. So group work is a big part of what happens in my class, but I spend time talking about the introvert/extrovert difference, if for no other reason than to educate the extroverts who tend to assume that there is no other valid possibility except to be as they are.
And I think it was Cain, or maybe Dan Pink, who points out that it's one thing to be extroverted, and it's another to be empathic. Extroverts are good in groups; introverts good one on one. Extroverts are good at picking up on social cues; introverts on emotional cues. Each need to learn from the other.
These styles of thinking and behavior are a product of our respective physiologies - right down to the genes that code for our neuroreceptors. The better approach is for society and employers to find ways in which each type can work most effectively. It is a supreme waste of time and energy to try to become what you are not. And, more importantly, by emphasizing one style over the other we are destroying US competitiveness. This was an important take-home message of the book. If the business school students at UW are "mostly extroverted" then that is a significant problem to start with - especially if introverts are being driven away because only the extrovert skill set is being reinforced. This is similar to the problems that the SPSs face in encouraging all students to work to their full potential. As I see it - it is a cop-out on the part of educators to simply insist that each group "change" to become more like the other. The gifts and capabilities of introverts and extroverts are already there - don't make each group uncomfortable by wasting their time trying to change them.
-Introvert
I'm glad you do check in with such students, but personally, I would have avoided ever signing up for a class like yours again if I could avoid it.
Of course, as an adult I've come out of my shell somewhat and in some situations can actually lead a group. But not in high school. It just wasn't possible for me.
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HP